But you also work full time and need the evenings to care for yourself. They could say they’ve only tried drugs once or twice but don’t use them regularly. You reassure them you aren’t concerned, that they don’t drink that much, or otherwise deny there’s an issue. You might tell yourself this behavior isn’t so bad or convince yourself they wouldn’t do those things if not for addiction. Your loved one tends to drink way too much when you go out to a restaurant.
What are the harmful effects of enabling behavior?
There’s a difference between supporting someone and enabling them. Someone struggling with depression may have a hard time getting out of bed each day. Temporary support can help them make it through a difficult time and empower them to seek help.
Well, they might just end up burned out, while the other person never learns how to handle things themselves. And when it’s hard to tell where one person’s job ends and the other’s begins, both end up feeling lost and cut off from each other. It highlights the emotional well-being of all those involved, which can be seriously compromised. Figuring out this stuff is key, showing us why we need to talk straight and set some lines to rebuild some balance and start getting along better in relationships (Akerlof et al., 2019). Enabling usually refers to patterns that appear in the context of drug or alcohol misuse and addiction.
- This means the relationship is complicated and needs a closer look (Allan et al., 2017).
- If you are giving or helping to avoid conflict, making excuses for problematic behaviors, suffering due to helping this individual or being told from outside sources, it is a good chance you are enabling.
- But even if all you want is to support your loved one, enabling may not contribute to the situation the way you might think it does.
- Learning how to identify the main signs can help you prevent and stop enabling behaviors in your relationships.
- The concept of enabling and enablers is multifaceted, reflecting a dynamic interplay between individuals and their environments.
III. The Impact of Enabling on Relationships
When treating individuals who are engaging in enabling behavior, it is important to address both the enabler and the person being enabled. For the enabler, it is important to recognize that the underlying motivation for their behavior is often to help and protect the person being enabled. Therefore, it is important to help the enabler to understand the negative consequences of their behavior, as well as to develop healthier coping strategies and problem-solving skills. Enabling is a type of dysfunctional behavior, where one person, typically an adult, enables another person’s addiction, mental illness, or other problematic behaviors. This behavior can have a wide range of clinical implications, from perpetuating the addiction or enabling behavior to creating new problems of its own.
Motivations Behind Enabling Behavior
This can lead to increased substance use, increased risk-taking behaviors, and difficulties in developing healthy coping skills and problem-solving strategies. It can also lead to the person becoming increasingly dependent on the enabler, leading to a cycle of dependence. Attachment theory, broadly speaking, offers some pretty deep insights into how relationships work, especially how our attachment styles mess with how we interact with others. A secure attachment style tends to nurture trust and open lines of communication, which enabling definition psychology is super important for enabling effectively.
Set (and stick to) boundaries
- This is due to their deep emotional bonds and sense of responsibility for their loved one’s well-being.
- This can make it more likely they’ll continue to behave in the same way and keep taking advantage of your help.
- But according to the American Psychological Association, it can refer to patterns within close relationships that support any harmful or problematic behavior and make it easier for that behavior to continue.
- This realization leads to feelings of guilt, regret, and even self-blame.
- You may try to help with the best of intentions and enable someone without realizing it.
Academic Enablers (AEs), like good interpersonal skills and motivation, are important for doing well in school, but how they work can depend on the situation (Kirk et al., 2019). So, even though behavioral reinforcement might seem helpful at first, it can often hurt long-term development and independence. This means the relationship is complicated and needs a closer look (Allan et al., 2017). The dynamics between enablers and those they enable reveal profound psychological impacts on both parties involved. Enablers often develop a sense of identity rooted in their caregiving roles, which can fulfill intrinsic desires for connection and purpose. However, this can lead to a cycle of dependency where the enabled individuals may struggle with self-efficacy, relying excessively on external assistance instead of fostering their independence.
When you engage in enabling behaviors, you may find that the bulk of your time and energy is focused on the other person. This may make you feel like your own needs have fallen to the wayside. In addition many times the enabling is not just a problem but a bad habit. The enabler helps support the bad habits or addictions out of fear, or loss of the person and abandonment. They feel they can control the addiction under their care but end up being used themselves.
The purpose of this paper is to review the clinical implications of enabling behavior and to explore how clinicians can best address it. This paper will also discuss the implications of enabling for the family system as well as for clinicians and treatment. Establish clear boundaries and adhere to them consistently, prioritizing personal well-being by learning to say no and seeking therapy if necessary.
“Enabler” is a highly stigmatized term that often comes with a lot of judgment. However, most people who engage in enabling behaviors do so unknowingly. Instead of focusing on what you feel you did wrong, identifying concrete behaviors that might have excused your loved one’s actions could help. However, if you find yourself constantly covering their deficit, you might be engaging in enabling behaviors. The term “enabler” refers to someone who persistently behaves in enabling ways, justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior.
This interplay of empathy and control can create a cyclical pattern where the enabler finds a sense of purpose in the relationship, while the individual remains dependent on them. Understanding these common traits is crucial when addressing the psychological underpinnings of enabling behaviors and their implications for personal and relational health (Hands et al., 2018), (Godinho et al., 2019). Caregiving roles, dysfunctional family patterns, and power imbalances reinforce enabling behaviors, making it challenging to establish healthy boundaries. Situational factors, including crises, feelings of guilt, and a lack of clear boundaries, exacerbate the issue, leading individuals to inadvertently support problematic behaviors.
Other people tell you you’re enabling
Instead, in a non-judgmental way, parents need to hold children accountable, celebrate success and provide reasonable emotional support to help them through difficulties. Many enablers suffer from a family history of past dismissal, or attachment disorders which push one to over help. Some may be due to over-protection of a person, or anxious attachment disorders that push one to do to much even if doing to much makes a situation worst for the person they are trying to protect. When a pattern of enabling characterizes a relationship, it’s fairly common for resentment, or feelings of anger and disappointment, to develop. People dealing with addiction or other patterns of problematic behavior often say or do hurtful or abusive things. They might insult you, belittle you, break or steal your belongings, or physically harm you.
Enabling typically arises from a deep-seated desire to protect or support a loved one, often leading to behaviors that inadvertently perpetuate harmful actions. Enablers are often motivated by a complex interplay of care, fear, and personal needs, which are intensified by societal expectations, particularly for women. Enablers usually act with good intentions, aiming to help rather than cause harm.